We have a mystery on our hands (literally)! Can anyone solve The Case of MeToo’s Bling?
(These events originally occurred last week, and this post was begun then. However, due to the nature of the ongoing investigation, it was requested that the press not cover the story until now.)
First, some background.
The Wife recently decided to try some Jamberry* nails in anticipation of an upcoming wedding. As a man, all I know about nail adornments is that you have nail polish and then there are those Lee Press-On claws. These things turned out to be more like decals. You trim it down to fit your nail and shrinky-dink it on with a hair dryer (at least, that’s what I observed). Several days ago, the Wife tested them out with a friend, also decorating the girls’ fingers. RU and MeToo got Frozen-esque designs of blue with white accents. By now, most of them have been picked off.
Which brings us to today. Late this afternoon I was strapping the girls into the car and saw that MeToo’s thumb was a sparkly silver. Huh. Oh, well, maybe the Wife did that when I wasn’t paying attention, or maybe the thumb had always been different and I just hadn’t noticed. Then, after dinner, the Wife leans in and examines MeToo’s thumb, saying, “Why is her thumbnail silver? Where did this come from?”
We don’t know. Someone painted my child’s fingernail and I have no idea who. If you ask MeToo, she says it was Mommy. Then she’ll change her answer to Baby Z. Ask her if it was someone in particular (“Did Granma Cake do this?”) and she will say, “Yes” no matter who it is. If I prompt her, she’ll agree that Caillou did it. Two-year-olds are no help.
We don’t even have a clue when this happened. I only noticed it this afternoon but she’s been with me since we woke up; clearly it wasn’t done today.
Granma and Grampa. They came over for dinner last night, both swear they didn’t do it. I could see either one deciding to screw with us and deny it. Nor is it impossible that it happened while we were in the same room without us noticing; there was plenty of distraction to go around. But the hair dryer had been put up by the time they came over — how could they have gotten the Jamberry nail on without a heat source?
Coach, Nana, and the babysitters. A couple of days previously, the kids were left with first Coach and Nana, and then a pair of sitters. We’ve asked them all, none have taken credit. The packages of nails were out and I think the hair dryer was still downstairs. However, I do believe any of these suspects would own up to it. As they were also watching our friends’ 4-year-old and newborn, I don’t know how they would have had time.
Caillou. Admittedly, this is unlikely, but the weird name makes me inclined be suspicious.
Sunday School. Only slightly more likely than Caillou, but literally the only other time MeToo wasn’t with at least one of us was during Church. This means someone watching the 1-2 year-old group just happened to have silver sparkle nail polish on them and decided to paint MeToo’s already-decorated nails.
MeToo. Could it be an inside job? Not likely, since the Jamberry nail thingie — and the Wife is convinced it is a Jamberry, not nail polish — has been expertly trimmed to fit her little nail and requires a heat source to apply. Similarly, if it is nail polish, it’s far too neat for MeToo to have done.
If Law & Order has taught us anything, it’s that all perpetrators need means, motive, and opportunity. The above list are all the people we can think of who had the opportunity. Any of them could potentially have had motive — MeToo had probably lost the original Jamberry nail thing off her thumb and someone just thought she needed the now-plain nail to be jazzed up.
The real problem is the means.
The Wife’s Lennie Briscoe-like investigation has turned up the shocking twist that WE DON’T OWN ANY SILVER NAIL POLISH OR DIAMOND SPARKLE JAMBERRIES. Not even the few random extra samples that got included in the order match. This is not a color we have in this house.
What the heck is going on? And how much would it cost to hire Encyclopedia Brown to come figure this out?
*The link should take you to the “Jamberry Independent Consultant” that the Wife bought her nails through. As a guy, this sort of thing is way beyond my ken; I include it to be helpful for you, Dear Reader, if you’re interested. I get nothing out of it if you follow the link, or buy the product, or whatever.**
**Oh, I am totally trying to figure out how to get this little blog to earn some money. In the future, I’ll probably be experimenting with affiliate marketing, or sponsored posts, or whatever such things I can wrap my brain around. If and when that happens, I’ll tell you about it.