We Foul Up More Before 8am Than Most People Do All Day

The Wife headed off to work early. The rest of us were awake as well, and we’ve had a busy morning! Here are the highlights of what has transpired before 8:15 today (stand in awe of my parenting prowess).

I am upstairs getting dressed while Z complains about being in the Pack ‘n Play. MeToo has followed her mommy downstairs. The Wife says something as she’s leaving — I can’t really make it out from inside the closet, but it’s longer than a typical good-bye shout — and I holler back, “I love you, have a good day!”

Mere moments later, I (now meeting the minimum standard for “being dressed”) discover that Z isn’t unhappy because he’s been incarcerated. He’s unhappy because he suddenly has a lot of poop in his diaper and he can’t get away from it no matter where he scoots. There’s definitely been a containment breach. As the floor of the baby jail is normally light brown, it’s impossible to judge how bad. Z’s legs, on the other hand, usually aren’t that color…

By the time Z is changed and decontaminated, MeToo had been alone a lot longer than I had intended. I arrive downstairs to discover that RU is also there. I didn’t even know she was awake. Could that be what the Wife was trying to tell me on her way out? The girls are playing with toys they are not allowed to have without permission. RU wants to know where her pajama bottoms are.

Getting breakfast started, I notice that someone has been into the peanut butter cookies the Wife made last night. She may have taken some herself, but she likely wouldn’t have left half of one broken up and lying on the counter.

“Who’s been eating the cookies?”

“I didn’t eat any,” says RU the lawyer.

MeToo chimes in happily, “I had three.”