Do you remember, Dear Reader, the days when a television series would occasionally run one of those awful clip episodes? It was like the opposite of sweeps week. Anyway, we’re about to have one here on the ol’ Blog of the Dad.

What you probably don’t recall, because I cleverly buried the announcement in the middle of this random post, is that I am also on Twitter. I’ve been using it almost exclusively to broadcast the cute and/or hilarious statements that come out of my children’s mouths. It’s a lot easier to whip out my phone and type it verbatim than try to remember exactly what they said later when I’m writing up a post. Which is why there have also been fewer blog posts like dedicated to their quotes.

Those of you who actually read this on a real computer (as well as my one follower on Twitter — thanks Sara Bingham@WeeHands!) have no doubt been enjoying the tweets as they appear on the left-hand side of the screen as you scroll way, way down. But anyone who uses a mobile device to read this blog has been missing out.

Therefore, I have decided to post the Blog of the Dad’s First Annual Tweet Roundup! (Some tweets may have been slightly edited for consistency of format.)

(UPDATE: It has been pointed out to me that I ought to mention on I am @Blogofthedad on Twitter. However, if I made it that easy to enjoy my tweets I would not need to have a Second Annual Tweet Roundup.)

Feb 12

The Dad cooks dinner


Feb 28

RU: (to MeToo) I want a croissant with butter and jelly. (To The Wife) We were just playing Starbucks.

The Wife: That’s kind of sad.

Mar 4

RU (in Tombstone, AZ): Today is a cowboy day, isn’t it, mamma?

Mar 7

Professional at work: the Wife changes Z’s diaper in airport in under a minute, without even unbuckling his carseat.

Mar 16

RU: My piano senses are ‘yes’ to play the piano.

Mar 29

MeToo: Ack, this spicy!

The Wife: If your beans are spicy why do you keep eating them?

MeToo: I don’t know. Ask the beans.

Apr 4

MeToo: One, two, peanut butter, five.

Apr 25

MeToo (seeing a commercial for waffle sandwiches): Oh my goodness!

May 20

RU (Holding toy phone): My babysitter was texting me while she was driving.

Wife: That’s not safe!

RU:  I know, I tried to text her that.

May 24

Wife: RU, why are you crying?

RU: You told me I have to have shoes to go to college but I’m not going to college for a long time!

May 25

MeToo: How’d you do that?

The Dad: I’m Superman.

MeToo: Yer not Sooperman.

The Dad: How do you know?

MeToo: RU’s Sooperman.

The Dad: Oh.

May 25

RU: Everyone starts as a little baby because if you had a grownup in your belly that wouldn’t feel good.

Jun 21

MeToo: I’m pissed off

The Dad: What did you say?

MeToo: ‘m pish’d uffp.

The Dad: What?

MeToo: I wanna push-up.

The Dad: Oh! Okay.

Jun 24

RU: MeToo is my baby.

MeToo: I baby!

The Dad: Why is she tied up?

RU: So she can have a nap.

The Dad: Great idea. Let me know if it works.

Jun 25

MeToo (running around the house): I ice skating! I ice skating! (Trips.) Ow. I fell off my bicycle.

Jul 4

Me: RU, this not the time to play around, this is time for hurrying.

RU: What’s “hurrying”?

The Wife: That explains SO MUCH.

Jul 6

RU: Guess what, Dad! Sometimes I can understand what MeToo says! When she says “yes” or “no” sometimes I know what she’s saying.

Jul 10

The girls and I have had a busy week and need to veg. So tonight it’s picnic and Max Fleischer Superman cartoons.

Jul 10

List of Lois Lane awesomeness (from 1940s!)

•Pilots airplane directly to mad scientist’s hideout

•Machine guns train robbers

•Saves Earth

Jul 12

MeToo (handing me a wooden block): Have a piece of cake!

Me: Mmm, what kind?

MeToo: Horsey!

Me: Ah… What kind of icing?

MeToo: Um. Pig!

Jul 16

My 2 year old (to me): We’re getting married. Here’s your helmet.

Jul 17

RU: You can flush for me, Granma, since it’s your birthday.

Jul 20

MeToo (putting on Disney princess underwear): “I got wookie panties. Like Shoebaca.”

I’ll call that a win.

Aug 4

MeToo: Hey! Somebody peed in my pants!

Aug 8

The Dad (to RU): I don’t really know about the customs and traditions of Arendelle.

Aug 11

The Dad: Hey, put that up. Rattles aren’t for digging.

RU: That’s a maraca, not a rattle.

Aug 11

RU: Daddy, look — it’s a tub full of shower.

Aug 19

(Swaps vehicle keys with the Wife. Finds car)

Hey, this is clean. What happened to all our stuff?

(Looks around again)

Oh. Wrong car.