At Least it’s a Dry Humor

It was after dark when our flight landed in Arizona. If they were awake during the drive to the hotel, what they would have seen out of the rental van’s windows looked like any other city at night: blackness broken by headlights and fast food signs. The hotel looked like any other hotel they’ve stayed at. So far, they had not laid eyes on the Southwestern landscape of flat plains and rugged mountains thrown together in an impossibly panoramic scope.

The next morning, RU and MeToo woke up early as always, so I took them downstairs for Free Hotel Breakfast while the Wife slept in a bit longer. After eating half their breakfast, they both spilled their drinks and then started a paint-with-yogurt art project on the table while I was trying to clean up. They were loud and squirmy and messy, and they seemed to be mostly done with eating before I’d even had a sip of coffee.

They were probably just excited to be on vacation, but it was just too early for me to deal well with that, so I hauled them back up to the room. As we passed by, an older woman who had been having her Free Hotel Breakfast nearby said to me, “I just wanted to tell you that your girls behave so well for such a young age. They’re just lovely.”

Well, thanks, Random Stranger. I usually appreciate it when people compliment my kids but now I’m left wondering if that was utterly deadpan sarcasm, because I thought they were kinda abominable. So either she’s really Dennis Leary wearing a friendly grandmother costume or I’m the asshole for being too easily irritated by my lovely children.

One thought on “At Least it’s a Dry Humor”

  1. If the drinks were spilled by accident, instead of being poured on the floor or each other…
    If the yogurt was eaten for a while and then used artistically, rather than flicked into the air or smeared on each other…
    If they were relatively civilized during their eating, instead of running around the room or hitting each other or sassing you…

    then I think you have done a good job and the outside observer thinks your children are pretty well-behaved. If only the children had picked up napkins and helped you clean up… think of how wowed she (and you) would have been.

    You get a pass because of the plane ride, it being morning, and you didn’t get to have food or much caffeine.

    Keep up the good work. And I hope you got to eat something eventually.

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