Tag Archives: baby

Evil Baby

Sometimes when we are out with our infant people will ask, “Is he a good baby?” How do they expect me to answer this? “No, he’s awful! Just last week he had three blow-out diapers and took the car without our permission! That gas station condom machine owes me a refund!”

What they really mean, I think, is “Does he sleep through the night or does he cry a lot?” But why does that make him good? And if he does cry a lot, that makes him not good, right? As in bad? Is there an old wives’ tale that fussy babies are more susceptible to the dark side of the force?

I’m no scientist, but I don’t think infants don’t cry just for the heck of it. How else are they supposed to get their needs met? Sure, it sucks for his parents if it happens to be 3am when he’s hungry or his tummy hurts, but it’s not like he was saving up his problems for when mommy and daddy are asleep.

On the other hand, I’m pretty sure he chuckled when he peed on me last week…