Do you remember, Dear Reader, the days when a television series would occasionally run one of those awful clip episodes? It was like the opposite of sweeps week. Anyway, we’re about to have one here on the ol’ Blog of the Dad.
What you probably don’t recall, because I cleverly buried the announcement in the middle of this random post, is that I am also on Twitter. I’ve been using it almost exclusively to broadcast the cute and/or hilarious statements that come out of my children’s mouths. It’s a lot easier to whip out my phone and type it verbatim than try to remember exactly what they said later when I’m writing up a post. Which is why there have also been fewer blog posts like dedicated to their quotes.
Those of you who actually read this on a real computer (as well as my one follower on Twitter — thanks Sara Bingham@WeeHands!) have no doubt been enjoying the tweets as they appear on the left-hand side of the screen as you scroll way, way down. But anyone who uses a mobile device to read this blog has been missing out.
Therefore, I have decided to post the Blog of the Dad’s First Annual Tweet Roundup! (Some tweets may have been slightly edited for consistency of format.)
(UPDATE: It has been pointed out to me that I ought to mention on I am @Blogofthedad on Twitter. However, if I made it that easy to enjoy my tweets I would not need to have a Second Annual Tweet Roundup.)
The Dad cooks dinner
RU: (to MeToo) I want a croissant with butter and jelly. (To The Wife) We were just playing Starbucks.
The Wife: That’s kind of sad.
RU (in Tombstone, AZ): Today is a cowboy day, isn’t it, mamma?
Professional at work: the Wife changes Z’s diaper in airport in under a minute, without even unbuckling his carseat.
RU: My piano senses are ‘yes’ to play the piano.
MeToo: Ack, this spicy!
The Wife: If your beans are spicy why do you keep eating them?
MeToo: I don’t know. Ask the beans.
MeToo: One, two, peanut butter, five.
MeToo (seeing a commercial for waffle sandwiches): Oh my goodness!
RU (Holding toy phone): My babysitter was texting me while she was driving.
Wife: That’s not safe!
RU: I know, I tried to text her that.
Wife: RU, why are you crying?
RU: You told me I have to have shoes to go to college but I’m not going to college for a long time!
MeToo: How’d you do that?
The Dad: I’m Superman.
MeToo: Yer not Sooperman.
The Dad: How do you know?
MeToo: RU’s Sooperman.
The Dad: Oh.
RU: Everyone starts as a little baby because if you had a grownup in your belly that wouldn’t feel good.
MeToo: I’m pissed off
The Dad: What did you say?
MeToo: ‘m pish’d uffp.
The Dad: What?
MeToo: I wanna push-up.
The Dad: Oh! Okay.
RU: MeToo is my baby.
MeToo: I baby!
The Dad: Why is she tied up?
RU: So she can have a nap.
The Dad: Great idea. Let me know if it works.
MeToo (running around the house): I ice skating! I ice skating! (Trips.) Ow. I fell off my bicycle.
Me: RU, this not the time to play around, this is time for hurrying.
RU: What’s “hurrying”?
The Wife: That explains SO MUCH.
RU: Guess what, Dad! Sometimes I can understand what MeToo says! When she says “yes” or “no” sometimes I know what she’s saying.
The girls and I have had a busy week and need to veg. So tonight it’s picnic and Max Fleischer Superman cartoons.
List of Lois Lane awesomeness (from 1940s!)
•Pilots airplane directly to mad scientist’s hideout
•Machine guns train robbers
MeToo (handing me a wooden block): Have a piece of cake!
Me: Mmm, what kind?
Me: Ah… What kind of icing?
MeToo: Um. Pig!
My 2 year old (to me): We’re getting married. Here’s your helmet.
RU: You can flush for me, Granma, since it’s your birthday.
MeToo (putting on Disney princess underwear): “I got wookie panties. Like Shoebaca.”
I’ll call that a win.
MeToo: Hey! Somebody peed in my pants!
The Dad (to RU): I don’t really know about the customs and traditions of Arendelle.
The Dad: Hey, put that up. Rattles aren’t for digging.
RU: That’s a maraca, not a rattle.
RU: Daddy, look — it’s a tub full of shower.
(Swaps vehicle keys with the Wife. Finds car)
Hey, this is clean. What happened to all our stuff?
(Looks around again)
Oh. Wrong car.